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Just like how the “boy” may progressively choose (consciously or unconsciously) to either internalise or unlearn such patriarchal thought structures - which will undeniably transform the ripples he causes - one wonders how the men from our past generations were also just mere boys who was subject to the same calibrated systems. That truly was the perspective and intention which I actively adjusted to align to in setting the tone of this essay. It was the strength of compassion, an often regarded feminine trait, which I hope to shine through to the reader and set a motion to introspect in kindness within.

Growing up, although encouraged to pursue and work towards our goals, my father had never overtly pressured any of his four daughters to attain worldly achievements. As a matter of fact, the only emphasis he ever stressed on was to uphold religious and familial values above all else. Aishah Alhadad criticised in her essay, It’s Still Family First, that despite the progressive way of life our local Malay and Muslim women has benefited in this modern time, traditionalist attitudes and expectations on women that persists within the community actually “add burdens onto women”.^[1] This rings particularly true from a religious standpoint in which Alhadad highlighted lectures delivered by the community’s religious leaders in 1987, organised by Young Muslim Women’s Association, which placed great responsibilities upon the women to be the sole bearer of harmony and balance in her family. The point highlighted by Alhadad is further echoed by PM Lee Hsien Loong in his virtual speech at the Closing Session of the Conversations on Singapore Women’s Development held on 18 September 2021, indicating a common grievance experienced by women across the population that despite the improvement of women’s status in our society, “societal attitudes [have] not fully modernised” as the burden of domestic responsibilities tend to “rest heavy on women”.^[2] Given the traditionalist viewpoint prevalent in the local religious community, I suspect in hindsight that my father’s lack of expectations on his daughters was his way to relief us off the supposed burden modern society inherently placed on collective women.

Indeed, the social dynamic of a Muslim household often observes a pattern of male dominance as influenced through generations of cultural exchanges and religious teachings. This dynamic is not uncommon within the Muslim communities in Singapore. From a young age, men are groomed and taught to fulfil duties as the figurehead of a household, leading and guiding the path for their female kin. This ingrained respect for the patriarch, or its next-in-line, tends to translate to male children being granted more independence and autonomy in deciding their own life choices compared to the female counterpart—a liberty that overrides even the hierarchy of age so often emphasised in Asian values. My father’s mentality, as does many traditionalist Muslim males in the Singapore Malay-speaking communities, is that the main responsibilities for women are first and foremost to care for the household. Any other achievements are supplementary. This notion is heavily riddled with an idealised form of masculinity associated with bread-winning which has passed down, internalised, and normalised through generations in various cultures and religious teachings. Male children were thought to deserve more opportunities than the female counterparts, as they were expected to be a provider, a protector, and a leader for their family and community alike. In reality, this gender-policing of what being a man should entail often subjects men to perpetuate biases (and to some extent, enact unjustified acts of violence) upon its ‘other’, which in this case is the feminine quality.

Often in families that uphold traditionalist Muslim ideals, the female attire becomes a topic of huge contention between daughters and their family. The internal debate between abiding rigidly to religious and traditionalist values, against the modernist viewpoints developed from being in an intercultural environment of schools and social settings, is one that many daughters from similar backgrounds to mine often struggle with. It is part of the Islamic faith and practise for women to cover their body and hair for modesty. However, the influence and social ideologies from external communities that may not adopt such beliefs may shape the viewpoint of new generations to deviate from the ways of their predecessors. Furthermore, the flowing news one would encounter on crimes against women further perpetuates behaviours of benevolent sexism and justifies body-policing of women to protect them against the luring and lustful gaze of preying men.

Given the rampant case of victim-blaming in assault cases as the default attitude society tend to have towards women, the benevolent Muslim male uphold an excellent reason for shielding their kin from such predatory behaviour in society in the name of protection. However, to what extent is the policing of female bodies and attire truly a noble pursuit? The Muslim community in Singapore was recently stirred by the exposé of a blasphemous online-polling site which sexualises and insinuate violent harassment towards local female asatizah (religious teachers).^[3] The most daunting revelation is the fact that that a large participant of the poll were allegedly male undergraduate students on the path to becoming religious teachers themselves. Beyond community outrage, the news provoked the question of mutual respect, objectification of women, sexual abuse, and victim blaming tendencies within the community. These religious female figureheads preached and practices modesty, yet their modesty was not enough to safeguard them from becoming victims to sexual harassments from no less than the Muslim male community whom the community entrusted to safeguard the honour of their women. An often-forgotten footnote is that the societal freedom granted to men since generations past comes with an expectation to uphold responsibilities over their family and community alike. In establishing their masculine dominance over time, the benevolent men confused their communal responsibility to provide, safeguard, and to guide as a right to police women in the guise of protection and care. While the merits to uphold religious values and integrity is in itself a service to their faith, the irony in seizing control over women’s actions and perpetuating victim-blaming mentality by the benevolent men, undeniably grant others the green light to objectify women.

Another concern with religious ideals that is led by patriarchal propensities is that it elevates the status of masculinity while equating it to the male gender, thus tipping the power balance between the male and the female. This idealised form of male masculinity in religious and cultural doctrine not only oppresses those who do not embody such traits, but paradoxically it also shackles and places unattainable expectation on male members of the community themselves.

These venerated traits of men as the altruistic provider, protector and leader to their kin perpetuates the notion that the worth of a male individual in society is measured against their ability in fulfilling those duties. However, the harmful psychological pressure that may be experienced by males in the pursuit of living up to such ideals is often overlooked. Furthermore, it perpetuates discrimination against those who deviate against such masculine standards. In 2017, a study conducted in collaboration between AWARE and Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s Diploma in Psychology Studies programme found 97% of the male student participants of the survey have experienced a form of gender policing, or perpetuated violence against other boys they considered to be effeminate.^[4] The result of this survey suggests that its participants, which comes from various backgrounds, equally experienced pressure to fit into a typecast of supposed masculine behaviour perceived by society. This pressure is no different in the context of the Malay-speaking Muslim community in Singapore. Traditionalist masculine expectations on men and the internalised power dynamic against femininity has often blinded men from assessing the world through a holistic lens beyond rationality, devoid of emotional and intuitive reasoning. This is particularly true when it comes to dealing with internal emotional struggles. Emotional traits are generally associated with the feminine and, in traditionalist notion of masculinity, often considered to be a sign of weakness.

Perceiving certain traits as a form of weakness provides grounds of justification for the need of feminine to be taken care of by the masculine. To accept embodied feminine traits as a rejection against masculinity causes immense pressure on men to uphold and perform traditionalists expectations of their role. Socio-economic struggles such as rising living cost, widening income gap, and fluctuating job market places heavy burden for the men who are expected to be the financial provider and supporter. This burden may be in the form of extensive labour as well as mental health issues deriving from stress and anxiety. Shunning emotional quality in men as a non-masculine deviant, often left men to be handicapped in caring for their mental well-being, as such emotional struggles are intertwined with perception of weakness that should not be experienced by the masculine protector.

Religion preaches that God created all men as equal. I believe this equality extends far beyond the man-made distinction of class, cultural, religious and racial differences, but also inwardly between the feminine and masculine virtues within our individual selves. The perception of power differences may be a motivation for those bestowed with privileges to want to provide, protect and lead the weak. However, it also is a reason for domination and conquest. If men truly are equal, then traits of masculinity and femininity embodied by each gender are neither a strength nor weakness, but rather a unique set of defining qualities of each individual. By blindly accepting traditionalist beliefs of masculine male dominance, we are further placing emphasis on the stereotype of femininity (in both women and men) as a weaker being to be dominated. Internalising an acceptance towards balance is the path that the world as a society should progress towards. Women should be encouraged to take on traits that are considered masculine and achieve independence, just as equally as men should embrace feminine traits to be in tune with their emotional needs and accepts vulnerability. It is not a riot against traditionalist religious values, but a modern adaptation to the changing times. It is time for femininity to be embraced as our loving provider, emotional protector and passionate leader.

[1] Alhadad, Aishah. 2018. “It’s Still Family First.” In Growing Up Perempuan, by AWARE, 98. Singapore: AWARE.

[2] PM Lee Hsien Loong. 2021. “PM Lee Hsien Loong’s speech at the Closing Session of the Conversation on Singapore Women’s Development”, Sep 18. Accessed 15 Oct 2021.
https://www.pmo.gov.sg/Newsroom/pm-lee-conversations-on-singapore-womensdevelopment

[3] Abdullah, Ahmad Zhaki. 2021. Police investigating online poll sexualising female religious teachers. May 27. Accessed Oct 15, 2021. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/poll-sexualise-female-religious-teachersustazah-halimah-police-1417841

[4] AWARE. 2017. A dialogue on masculinity, violence and gender norms. Jul 14. Accessed Oct15, 2021. https://www.aware.org.sg/2017/07/a-dialogue-on-masculinity-violence-andgender-norms/

Nissa Abdurazzak is an arts professional who has diverse experience in the commercial, non-profit, and institutional art sector, with a focus on visual art in Southeast Asia. She completed her post-graduate in Museum Studies at Birkbeck, University of London and received several accreditation from Sotheby’s Institute of Art London. Nissa has been a professional in the Singapore visual art scene since 2019.